My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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