Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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