Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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