True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
