Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
