i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
