Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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