So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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