Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
