I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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