someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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