Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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