Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
