I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
