Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
