At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.