I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
