your parents love me but you hate me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
