A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
