Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
