So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
