I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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