Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize