we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
