I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
