We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
