You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
