If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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