Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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