i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
