I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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