Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
