he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
