I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
