I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
