Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
