I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
