i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
