i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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