We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
