watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
