i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
