I just made out with a guy for $7.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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