laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
