The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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