So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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