talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
