I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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