Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
