He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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