i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
