she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
