Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
