Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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