So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
God I need to hump something, right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
