i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He shit in the fireplace
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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