My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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