wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
