Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
