i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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