Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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