You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize