I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
