Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
