UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
