Do you still have your period?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
