Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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