im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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